11.18.2008

Inspirtation down-low

I haven't blogged in a while. Mostly since there's nothing to blog about due to lack of inspiration. Hardly any my favorite bloggers are blogging much per week, so I'm pretty much stuck reading old magazines and worrying about school. I don't want to, but there's nothing else TO think about.

Family isn't fun to think about since other than my immediate family, I'm pretty much sick of being neglected and whatnot, and I'm not about to go all 2006 on them. I'm okay on my own, I guess I kind of expect it now.

School is school, with lots of work and no time. Or, I don't use my time wisely. Then there are clubs, like dance, which was gratefully cancelled today.

Other than it's been boring, lots of crying. I swear, these past two days have been: get up, go to school, go home, go upstairs, close the door, cry, go on the computer, almost check-out shoes then realize I have no money, watch tv, sleep. Yes, I make no time for homework. I pretty much look forward to something during school, then go home and find out that it's out of the question. I'm afraid that lately (or maybe my whole life) I have been just holding in these feelings then blocking them out, only to later think about them and break down. For stupid reasons or not, it's hard, and obviously not working out for me. As a quiet person who never speaks up, I can never get these feelings out into the open until my break-down point. Until now, of course, I have blogging. I'm reluctant about this because this is one of the ways I am brought down, so in a way, it's hypocritical.

Hopefully, it'll go away. Though, I think if I tried writing this metaphorically, it would cheer me up. It used to be so easy, with friends who made me laugh. I had such a positive outlook, and everything was just fine. Now, their gone, and now the friends I have only have jokes I can't understand, and I just laugh along. It's not enough to patch up all the bad things. They sort of outweigh the good things/times/moments. I might be a little dramatic, but I always was.

A little inspiration to lighten me up a bit? Please?

1 comment:

deep_in_vogue said...

it's been two weeks since that post, do you feel better? it sounds like you really needed to change your routine.